Happy Birthday, Barbie!

Congratulations to Barbie! It's her 50th birthday this year!

Actually, this photo is just wishing! Didn't you ever wish that Barbie aged just like we do? She'd get gray hair, gain a little middle-age weight, have hot flashes and vericose veins! Her feet couldn't wear those high heels any more and her arches would ache!

I remember my first Barbie! I was five, and my mom took me to the Ben Franklin Store (a pre-Wal-Mart 5 and dime) and I picked her out. I got the black haired Barbie with the black and white striped bathing suit. Come to think of it, there were only two styles -- black or blonde hair! She had the coolest pony-tail with a little hair wrapped around the rubber band. She had her own wire stand and slip-on high heels! I thought she was soooo cool!

My best friend Barbara and I collected some "original" Barbie clothes, but they were expensive. There was a little old lady in our neighborhood (she must have been at least 50!) who made Barbie clothes for us. And my mom made clothes for my sister Susan and me. We had the best time playing with our Barbies -- making food and designing houses in the closet with left-over fabric from my mom. My Barbie even had a "fur stole"! In fact, I went on Ebay a couple of years ago and found that black slinky dress with the net fanning out at the bottom -- I had that dress and loved it!

Poor Barbie -- my original one lost her head -- literally. I don't think my brother Walker did it, but somehow her head broke off at the neck -- and you couldn't push it back in like you can now! My dad tried to fix her with a nail and some kind of funky epoxy he liked to use for everything (don't ask). If we just had Gorilla Glue back then!

Then along came Ken and Madge and Barbie's little sister -- what was her name? I think it started with a "T". Wow, was I wrong -- her name was Skipper! I liked her because she had long straight hair and was more like a teenager.

One day, I decided I was too old to play with Barbies any more and gave away all my cool stuff to the little girl I babysat for across the street. Man, do I regret that! I would have loved to have been able to pass all my cool Barbie stuff down to my girls -- and my granddaughter! At least Susan didn't give hers away, and I still had her Barbie and Ken.

I didn't know this, but Barbie's full name is Barbie Millicent Roberts, and she was officially 'born' on March 9, 1959, in (fictional) Willows, Wisconsin. March 9th of 1959 was the date that the doll was first introduced at the annual New York Toy Fair.

So here's to Barbie -- she's just a little younger than me -- but she sure has aged better than me! But I never resented her for it. There's a price you have to pay for fame -- she had to diet and work out too much to keep that shape. And I've heard she had some "work" done too! Here's the latest on the new "Realistic Barbies":

REALISTIC BARBIE:

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.