The two hour drug test!

Surprise! When I arrived at work this morning, I found I had been selected -- no, not for a promotion -- no, not a raise -- a random drug test!

I guess it was time. In my 24 years working there, my number's never come up for that prize before. So I headed out to the warehouse where the pregnant nurse was supervising the drug testing in the men's restroom. I go in and sign up, empty my pockets and set my Blackberry on the table. She asks me to pick out a cup -- they all looked alike to me, but I chose one. She poured some blue stuff in the toilet, and I sat down to "get the sample."

Well, low and behold, I couldn't go! I went just before coming in to work. She ran water to get me in the mood -- and I just couldn't get more than a couple of drops in that little cup. She said that wasn't enough -- I had to fill it to the white line! So we had to stop -- but I couldn't leave or be left "unattended." She followed me to the kitchen so I could get some water. I drank 5 cups. Sat there for about 15 minutes and thought I could go.

So we did the procedure all over again -- select a cup, blue stuff in the bowl, sit down with my cup. Tried to relax. Got just under the white line. Tried the water again. While the water's running, I hear someone whistling. Then I heard a toilet flush and a male voice say, "Oh, I didn't know you were in here!" Our engineer had come in (he said the nurse was asleep when he walked in and didn't think anyone was there). Said when he walked by my stall he thought those didn't look like "men's shoes!" Thought I was going to die! Still couldn't go! I've never had this problem before. That urologist must have done a jam-up job on my surgery! Had to stop again.

Meanwhile, there was one guy waiting to do his test -- he had the same problem as me, so I didn't feel as bad. While he was "doing his thing," I sat in the hall outside and drank a Diet Coke this time. Nurse sat with me while I drank my Coke. Tammie and Larry laughed at me (this was in their department.) Me and the nurse got to be good friends talking about kids and husbands and stuff waiting for me to get the "urge." Finally . . . after 2 hours of trying to pee, I got that cup filled! Good thing too, because she only had one little cup left! Relief!

But then I spent the rest of the day running to the restroom every 15 minutes! I hope it's 24 more years before I get picked for that task again!